By Heather & Jenny | Soul Sister | Women’s Wellness
Here’s something nobody tells you: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s one of the kindest things you can do — for everyone you love.
If you’ve been quietly putting yourself last on the list — saying yes when you mean no, running on fumes, and wondering why you feel so depleted — this one’s for you.
You’ve heard the oxygen mask analogy. You know, intellectually, that you can’t pour from an empty cup. And yet… something keeps getting in the way of actually doing it.
You’re not alone in that. And it’s not a willpower problem.
There are real reasons this is so hard. For many of us, putting our own needs aside is deeply tied to our sense of worth — to old, unconscious beliefs that say our value comes from how much we give, how available we are, how little we ask for.
Layer on top of that a culture that quietly rewards self-sacrifice and calls it virtue, and it’s no wonder so many of us have learned to ignore what we need.
But here’s what we know from personal experience: there’s a real cost to that. We’ve both been there — burnt out, running on empty, barely holding it together emotionally. We don’t want that for you.
Being selfish means doing things for yourself at someone else’s expense. That’s not what we’re talking about here.
When you rest, you show up better. When you set a boundary, you protect the relationship. When you do something that genuinely fills you up, you have more to give — not less.
We’ve both seen this in our own lives: when we take even a few quiet minutes for ourselves each day, we’re calmer, more present, and far better versions of ourselves for the people we love. In fact, when we skip that? That’s when we feel it — because we can feel the difference it makes.
Just like any skill, this takes practice. Start small. Be patient with yourself. Here’s where to begin:
You know that feeling when something’s off — a quiet unease, a low hum of tension you can’t quite name? That’s not nothing. That’s you, trying to tell you something.
Start carving out a little time — even 10 minutes in the morning before the day begins, or at night when things go quiet — to simply be with yourself. No phone, no noise. Just you. Notice what comes up. Is it heavy or light? What do you need?
Once you know what you need, act on it. You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. You just have to start.
As Brendon Burchard says: “No matter how small you start — start something that matters.”
And friend, you matter.
Saying no to things that drain you is saying yes to yourself. It’s that simple — even if it doesn’t feel that way yet.
Turning someone down, especially face-to-face, can feel almost physically uncomfortable. We know that feeling well. But you are one person. There is only so much of you, and that’s not a flaw — that’s reality. The more you practice, the easier it becomes. Start with the small asks. Work your way up.
Not someday. In your calendar. This week.
Whatever fills you up — a walk, a bath, a hobby you’ve been neglecting, time with a friend who makes you laugh — treat it like an appointment you wouldn’t cancel. Because it is one. Your tank needs refilling, and only you can do that.
As you start making yourself a priority, old beliefs will surface. You’re being selfish. You don’t deserve this. What will people think?
Those thoughts aren’t truth. They’re old programming — patterns that formed when you were younger and needed them. Recognize them for what they are, thank them for trying to protect you, and gently do the thing anyway.
Every time you do, that old belief loses a little of its power.
When you start showing up for yourself — consistently, with compassion — something quietly shifts. You’ll notice:
This isn’t indulgence. This is the foundation everything else is built on.
So — what’s one small thing you’ll do for yourself today? Share it in the comments. We’d love to cheer you on.
Jenny McKee and Heather DelRosario are the co-founders of Soul Full Events and passionate community builders and retreat facilitators who help women reconnect with their authentic selves beneath the noise of everyday life, with no fixing or pretending, first through their own journeys past burnout and now through the intentional wellness gatherings they create.
